Doolally

So it's been really hard to try and gauge the time-frame for my memory lapses - the thing I've come to realise though is that though I've completely forgotten tiny details and facts about what's happened in my life - I've not forgotten in the slightest how things / people / locations / sounds / sights have made me feel.

I can't remember what I had for dinner when I came out of hospital on Monday night, but I remember feeling safe and happy and relieved.

My sense of smells seems somewhat altered - Coco smells different. My perfumes have a different note to them. Freshly cut grass smells amazing and I was baffled to suddenly smell smoky bacon crisps on the M25 when no one was eating 'em.

Dreams seem hyper-real and seared onto my memory as though they actually happened. But no way near as disturbing as my auras (partial seizures) which hit as flashes of deja-vu / tight-chested heart thumping / breathless panics. I thank the meds for relieving me of the crappy auras (which for the record I think is a stupid name) but I'm questioning the tight-chested feeling that underlines my waking hours and the on/off loss of sensation in my right hand. I tire way too easily now - trying to pick up Coco becomes a near-impossibility due to the tight-chest carrying heavy weight situation. Trying to carry 3 light shopping bags yesterday left me feeling breathless and again with the tight-chest and added giddyness.

I suspect I've forgotten how to cook some things and I'm fairly sure I've forgotten what happened in the book I was enjoying and almost finished and then left in the office. *sigh*

I'm feeling big love for my family now more than ever - in all my 26 years of life, I've been blessed to never have any serious health threats, so three seizures in 5 days and a long weekend hospital stay later, I have all my family checking in on me and my Dad over from Hong Kong especially to be with me. How bemused was I to have my Mum and Dad over to ours for dinner in a friendly manner?!

I could totally gush about the awesome strength and comfort that Kien-sen has given me but well, he knows haha...

I'm just happy to still be alive and with a coherent brain and Miss Coco snoring away on my lap right now.